Prayer. Not to us but to You

Praying is important. It doesnt really help me always but it does help. When we do pray, it is all because of Him after all we are praying to Him right? God gives us something simple to do and doesnt require a lot of man power from us. Praying can be so powerful in so many different ways that I have yet to still learn. but its the fact that we are praying to Him. Yes we pray about ourselves to forgive our sins but still even in those moments its still not about us its about You God. We are constantly reminded that everything we do we do for God not ourselves. Its about serving Him by serving others. What I think is interesting is how even when we pray its not about us as in ME. but us as in well...everyone. I am reminded of the lyrics "not to US but to YOUR name be the glory" its not to me its not to US. but to YOUR name be the glory. its always about God and will continue to be about Him. thats the glory of serving the Lord!

Oh Hey Barneys...

Hey All,

Do expect a longer post from me later, but I just wanted to share with you all how excited reading these blogs have encourage me each and every day. At the moment I'm prepping for finals, and took a break, and the simple act of reading how God is showing up to you in each of these posts is blowing my mind. Keep up with the reading and growing, and know that I am praying for each of you daily! Can't wait to hang out with you over memorial day!

-Kurty

Fragrance of Christ

Hello Barneys!

So for my post today, I have decided to post about last week and this week. Two of the devotionals go so greatly together and has helped me to grow in what it means to be in relationship with Christ and reflect Him to others. I also have loved this week's focus on the concept of"Discipline". I think God has been redefining what discipline looks like for me. I'm excited to see and hear about what you all are gaining from this week's study as well.

Last weeks Wednesday devotional: "Christ's character permeates the company around you". I was deeply moved by this devotional. It spoke about how Christ in us, permeates the lives of those around us. Our presence in peoples lives are important and powerful. Also, the previous devotional of last Tuesday talked about how " Music enchants the deep places of the soul because music reveals to the soul that unseen forces have the power to inspire, shake and rattle our core". These two devotionals really connected for me. Just as music reveals that something unseen (Christ) can move and inspire, the very Christ in us has the capasity to move and inspire the deep parts of the soul of those around us. It reminds me that by simply walking in a room, Christ is able to work and permeate in the lives of those present. What an awesome and powerful truth. This is also so relevant to what you will be doing this summer! That your very presence on houseboats will provide the character of Christ to permeate the souls of the campers around you. By simply being present...Christ works!

This Monday Devotional: I loved the devotional today, because it also connected so well to last weeks devotionals. The devotional discussed that when we think about the fullness of our creator, we reflect that fullness to others around us. "As the creator fills the secret, empty recesses of your soul your countenance reflects the creators fullness. Leaders and followers are desperately seeking those who carry on them the fragrance of Christ". People are attracted to the fragrance and the aroma of Christ in us. We reflect the creators fullness! Also, later in the devotional it explains that unfortunately not all believers wear the fragrance of Christ. The way we are certain we wear His fragrance is by being in continual relationship with him. The less time we spend drawing near to him, the less potent the aroma is. The more we pour into drawing near to Christ, the stronger the aroma seeps off of us. Christ freely and extravagantly gives himself to us, but we must be disciplined in our commune with Him. So as we desire to reflect Christ to those around us, we must remember that it is only reflected when we are in constant relationship with him. What a blessing we have to be given a change to be in that deep and abundant relationship!

Lesson Learned: I have grown in desiring a deeper relationship with Christ! I need to pour myself more deeply into my time and commune with him! When we are in deep relationship with Christ, our very presence will reflect him. His character, love and goodness will permeate the hearts and souls of those we are near. People are attracted to the aroma of Christ that drifts off of us wherever we go! We reflect Him to the lost world around us.

Oh faithful Barnabas, keep that connection and relationship with Christ so that the aroma you carry remains potent!

I love you all! Keep trusting Christ in whatever you are going through! He loves you and is at work in you!

Worthy

So this week has been a week in which satan has tried every way possible in keeping me complacent. I am going to be completely honest with you guys and say that most days it worked and he kept me complacent. I was still wanting to grow, but I wasn't giving myself the time to dive into the word. Because I wasn't growing I asked God for a slap in the face of what I should be doing in order to grow. He definitely slapped me in the face when I met with my small group on Saturday morning! The leader of our small group had us there to give us some words of wisdom before the majority of us headed off to college, it went form her telling us ways to stay close to God to her being completely honest with us in that she had wanted the time to be spent celebrating our growth but all she saw was a group of girls that had become stagnant or gone backwards in their relationships with God. She gave us opportunities to share what we were struggling with and I shared that I was stagnant in my relationship with God and that I just wanted to be held accountable for reading and growing. Sadly, even on that day I only read a couple of verses and took nothing from them. It was today that I was at church worshiping that I realized that I was trying to take control of my life by placing certain things or people that in it that I thought would make me feel worthy. I was filling my life with everything but the one who would actually make me feel worth while. I was relying on other people that ultimately failed me because they are humans that are always going to fail. I was not relying on God who could never fail me, but thinks so highly of me it is crazy. I was carrying the burdens of this world once again trying to mold myself into what this world wants me be instead of who I am and what God wants to be. I had taken my heart from God and tried to give it to someone else who didn't want it. I took my heart from a place of safety and put it out in the most vulnerable spot I could put it. Tonight I put my heart back in Gods hands because that is where it is the safest. Where I had previously chosen the flesh over God I am now choosing God. Ironically enough as I was doing my quiet time I was reading in Luke 12 and verses 22-34 talk about how we don't have to worry about the things of this world because God is taking care of us and is providing for us. It talks about how God provides for the ravens and we are much more valuable than birds so of course he is going to provide for us! In the verse 34 it says "for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also". I realized that if I want my heart to be in God I have to place Him as my treasure that I always think about and want to spend time with(not some guy). The last thing that I wanted to share with you guys is that because I put my self worth into even the most foolish things such as how many people like my facebook status or who texts me I looked up verses that talk about our worth. In Job 28:13 it talks about how we cannot find our self worth on earth because it can only be found in God!

May you all know how worthy you are!!!

Sarah:D

Rejoice with me

It's amazing how much just being in the word has effected my relationship with God. I used to think if I read the bible on my own that I would get frustrated and not understand what the deeper meaning was. But every time I open the bible I read about how much Jesus loves me and I am filled with happiness. I have been struggling with school and I often put a lot of worth in my grades. Wednesdays devotional reminded me that what I take to heaven are the relationships I've made. By sharing Gods word he can use me to bring more people to his kingdom. In five, ten, fifty years my grades are not going to matter, I won't even remember them. What I will remember and carry with me are the relationships that I build with the people around me. And that is the most important thing of all.

-Sammi Lotti

This week, my main challenge has been putting other people before my self at ALL TIMES. So, story time. I'm in a sorority, and we have a dance this weekend. For all of our dances, we have to have a certain number of "sober sisters" to not drink and be there to take girls home if they drink too much. I don't drink anyways, so the staying sober part isn't a problem at all for me. At first I was really bummed about being sober sister, because I'm so excited to have fun with my friends and I didn't want to have to leave because of someone else's mistake. But through different experiences this week I've realized that as a follower of Christ, this is not the attitude I should have. Instead, it is a great opportunity for me to show God's love to the girls in my sorority who might not have a relationship with Jesus. By leaving the dance to take care of someone else, I will be showing God's love and putting other people before myself, which is what God wants me to do at all times.

This is exactly like today's devotional, "Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone..." Being a slave and helping others is one of the best ways that we can honor God. I made a big deal out of the possibility of leaving an activity early to help someone else, which now sounds like the dumbest and most selfish thing in the world. This is something that will also probably happen this summer as a Barney, where I'll have to stop doing an activity to help one of the campers. I'm so thankful for the way in which I realized how selfish I was being, so that I can learn from this mistake and from now on show God's love to everyone by being a slave for God.

I know this probably seems really random and kind of dumb... but that was my lesson for the week so I decided to share it with you guys haha. I hope you all are having wonderful weeks and I love reading all your blog posts. Thanks for being so encouraging!

God inspired.

so i think it was tuesdays devo. the one line from the meditation passage. a clean conscience is not self made but god inspired. for whatever reason this has stuck with me all week...so i prayed about it. i feel like there are so many times in my life where i do something because i have a guilty conscience or i, even after asking for forgiveness from god, still feel guilty. i realized it was because i really wasnt asking for forgiveness but rather just to ease my mind from what i did wrong. i needed to run to god and confess and repent. a clean conscience is god inspired. its not about me. its all him.

A prayer to our savior (and some explaining, as well as some thoughts on an actual devotion :P)

"God, i don't know why you've given me this and I don't know how i'm going to get through this, so God, can you please, oh please be at my side every second of every day. I cannot face this without you, I cannot defeat my apathy without you, and i certainly can't heal her on my own. Jesus, please forgive me for the pain i've caused you, please forgive my mistakes, though there are so many of them. God, oh God just come to me now and comfort me, I am so lost without you. Thank you, I know that you've given me oh so much, and I can't ever, ever, thank you enough. Thank you for just meeting me here today, that is worth more than any material thing i have ever had."

My how I miss you guys, and I know it's my fault that i haven't made a large effort to make time to write on here (by computer died a few weeks ago and so it hasn't been convenient to write). But i hope you'll forgive me and even perhaps, if you have the time or desire, shoot me an email to remind me to both read the devos (i've missed some and read others) and to actually write on here (my email is mrtheatresmith@gmail.com ).

Anyway now for a little explanation for my "absence". Well for one my computer died, so that's hampered the writing, other than that i've started work, my school load has been a little heavier lately, and probably the most influential reason, my sister has been getting worse, she was in the hospital again a few weeks ago (for another couple months) and she just had to go back to the E.R. the other night during our vacation in LA , she ended up stuck there all night and found out that she had a cyst of some kind, which just adds on to the already intense pain she feels everyday. So yeah if you guys could be praying for her especially but me and my family as well that we can get what needs to get done in spite of the frustration of not having any solutions to my sisters sickness.

Now for little about todays devo (i hope im on the right week, i think i am though). It was a refreshing reminder that we get no where in our lives by looking out for ourselves. Jesus told us not to but our flesh strives to take care of itself, but He said he would take care of us. We need not worry about what we will get in return for our contributions, whether it be monetary or with our own two hands. We need not worry too much about how we will be fed next, God knows and understands what we need and will take care of everything. Another thing that really struck me, cause i struggle with this when it comes to one person, is again the love your enemies. I've had pain in my life caused by the mistakes of others and it's hard to forget and forgive, but it is something that Jesus constantly tells us to do. i think my favorite part though was the fact that looking out for our own well being doesn't do us any good "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners in order to receive back the same amount."

Well my rant is over, I hope and pray that all have the most amazing week and that God blesses you in every way possible. Oh and thank you guys for writing on here, what you guys write really inspires me and comforts me.

Your's truly Jonathan Hale

Mountain of God

Luke 6:48-49
i like how it says "But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who has built a house on ground without foundation." it just reminds me that we can talk the talk all we want but Jesus is delighted in our actions. Our faith built foundation holds us steady. this topic always reminds me of a house on a cliff. if the cliff is sandy, then whenever the waves crash on it, it deteriarates more and more. eventually its down to a little ant hill. i dont know about you, but i wouldnt feel very safe knowing that as each wave comes in, the foundation is breaking down. and im afraid of hights so woooh:( BUT! with a strong foundation like rocks and stone, you know that the waves aint got nothin' on you! id feel like a beast, just chillin there as the waves crash! THATS WHAT JESUS DOES FOR US! Hes that strong! when we have our faith in him, and build our foundation on him, nothings going to wash us away...hes holding on tight. Its like a big, fat, strong mountain of God, how cool is that?! yep, thats our God.

Praying for you guys!
(:
Sarah

Spiritual Workout

First I wanna say, I really liked Micaela's post about people who asked Jesus if they could wait and do something important before they followed him. But he said that it was more important to trust him to take care of it than to take care of their problems on their own. And the phone analogy really hit me. Especially when she said that you do not even take your Bible! I mean normally we would think of that as a given right? But its more important that we trust God to provide EVERYTHING. And it really made me realize how LITTLE I trust him right now!


I have just started a work out regiment called P90x so I also really love Andy's statement about "spirtitual push-ups"! I can totally relate! Physical, mental OR spiritual FITNESS is a SLOW process! It takes detication and hard work. Not giving up ever. God does not give up on us, why do we give ourselves and excuse to give up on him?


Lastly, to I want to continue my post about the problem with making time for GOD in addition to my new goal, which is making time to HEAL from my past. I loved the daily scripture of Thursday. Nehemiah 9:1-3 talks about God's people, fasting all day, repenting, and spending ALL day just worshiping the Lord, and coming back to Him. It is really relaxing when you realize that responsibility is NOT on you, but on God. You can take the time you need just to rest in him and wait for His call, not worrying about "wasting time", because you never are wasting time if you're doing God's will for your life, listening to His still small voice. Also in Romans 10:1-13 it says that "Anyone who trusts in the Lord will never be put to shame." We will never fail if we live in Him. It also remembers of another theory we learned from the retreat. That being trapped in a "pressure cooker" eventually creates an explosion, and out bursts the will and love of God. 


Another thing I was having trouble with was feeling like I had no visible talents and so I felt a little worthless. I knew I was good at some things, but I didn't feel like my talents were special or unique. Then I read a devotional that spoke about how everyone is good at something else. It said that everyone has a different strengths and weakneses because the Lord has different tasks for all of us so that we can mature and grow together as a team of God's workers. We can  try to work toward getting better at something that isn't our strength, but only if we are able to do it without detriment to our real strengths. Since we have a reason for having it, we should use it for the God that created us with that talent.


Lastly I love from Tuesday's devotion that "eternity is hardwired into us." We were never meant to be able to handle this short life in this world on our own. We need God to hold our timeline in perspective and keep us on track to achieve what he has planned for us.

Hands dirty

Strength and Firmness-

I loved the Luke 6:46-49 verse about building your house upon the rock... This week through the natural events (Tornados) how important it is to have a firm foundation. On the news I saw an image (yesterday) of a congregation worshiping on the foundation (what was left of their church), and even though the tornado took away the building that once stood, what was left was the foundation of the church.

This passage in LUKE kept bringing me back to the image of what it is to build on the rock, and not the sand. For this church community, they went to what was constant, the foundation of the church, the only thing left standing. Even though the building was demolished, the bedrock and foundation could be built on immediately.

The luke passage reminds us that we must be digging down to the firm bedrock, in their day, there was much sand and dirt to be removed to reach the bedrock to where a firm foundation could be built upon, so in a wind storm their house could not be blown away.

"Digging to get to the rock is like pursuing Jesus with great strength and firmness. Without realizing it, while we dig Jesus builds."

Jesus has already built the house... we keep digging... I want to keep digging... always digging...

Also I was just reminded of the Luke 6: 27-36 verse on how if we "do the 13 things listed above WITHOUT DIGGING it is like building a house without a foundation." Without foundation in Jesus {bedrock}, the house will get washed away, just as "sinners lend to sinners... it must be done without expectation to be paid back."

Wow... I'm fired up! Spiritual push-ups for sure today!

Thank you

I have five minutes till class so this will be a short blog but I promise to share more later. I just want to say thank you so much to everyone who is posting, you have filled me with so much joy and excitement. These past two weeks have been full of midterms, all that I thought I did really well on but turns out I didn't. I've been struggling with putting my worth in grades and school instead of Jesus Christ, I pray and I ask for help but ultimately I really don't know what it's like to fully lean on christ when it comes to school. After reading some of these blogs I was reminded that no matter what Jesus loves me, and in the end thats all that matters. In a few years my grades in college aren't going to matter but if I learn to lean on God now that skill will stay with me for my life. Thank you all for your amazing words and encouragement. I can't wait till this summer!

Source of Nourishment

I've been thinking a lot about Wednesday's devotional. It states that strength emerges from nourishment. The question than is; where do we get our nourishment?

The devotional states that Adam and Eve (along with us) were created to allow the "goodness and love of their creator to nourish them". However, Adam and Eve (and us as well) chose to be cut off from God's good and perfect nourishment, because they wanted to do things on their own. It is also true that we often try and seek nourishment from other things. We trust in our own strength, in other people, and in other things. However, nothing will ever sustain us like our God.

An amazing part of all of our stories is that God did not just leave us detached from our source for long. (Much like John 15:5, which states “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.") There has been grace given through Christ. We are "sustained by His freely offered life" (Devotional). Through his death, sacrifice and love; we are connected back to the source and can find our nourishment in God again.

The reason why this concept is so interesting to me is because I find that I stumble into this way too often. I try so hard to depend on myself and others, and get discouraged when I cannot do it on my own. Christ has to continuously bring me back to the reality that He is all I need and he is the only thing that brings me nourishment. He is my vine, my source, my nourishment.

The times where I struggle the most in this area is on houseboats. I often have so much to think about, so many jobs to do, and so many people I long to minister to. Through it all, I often try to depend on myself. I will always fall short, get frustrated, and burn out when I trust in myself to sustain me. But truthfully my strength is nothing, and Christ's is everything. When you serve this summer be aware that this maybe something you struggle with too...or maybe you are struggling with it now. Let go and trust that Christ is the only thing that can sustain you.

I pray that in those moments where you will find yourself in the same situation, you will notice and fall at Christs feet to receive His nourishment. Let him sustain you, grow you, and bear His fruit in you.

Love you all!

The red phone is ringing.

"Our strength and firmness are in the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ and in Him alone."
In Luke 9 Jesus asks these guys to follow him but they all respond "well can I _____first? They weren't what I would call "lame excuses" either...I mean one of the guys wanted to go bury his father!! I mean thats kind of emotional in the first place and now Jesus wants him to drop it!! At first, reading this, I thought that Jesus' response, "No one who puts his hands to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God," was insensitive. However, when I thought about it, our trust is supposed to be in Jesus right? he is our strength, he is what instills strength into our bodies... So he knows everything about us and knows what is best...so why is ANYTHING holding us back? I usually associate pain, regret, fear, and sorrow with things that hold me back but what about best friends, important days like your wedding or maybe even a death of a family member...how are those holding us back!?I mean they are important... they aren't things that we just let go of in any circumstance.

This reminded me of an analogy one of my mentors challenged me with...
In your room there is a red phone.
Its one of those phones in the cheesy commercials or spy movies that is directly linked with someone important in case of an emergency.
Your phone can only be called by God.
So one day when you are jammin out to some music in your room the phone rings.
You of course pick up because I mean its GOD! He tells you to drop EVERYTHING, tell NO ONE, take NOTHING, and get on the 2:45 bus to NO WHERE. What do you do!? Grab your Bible cuz that's important right?? Wait he said bring nothing. Go tell your mom you are leaving and that you love her?? He said tell no one! Do you go to the bus???!!!

This is the picture that is challenging me this week. If that red phone starts to ring do I ignore it? Do I pick up and say "Sorry God I really don't trust you?" or do I go. I mean I sing the song and pray the prayer "Here am I send me!!" but to what extent am I willing to go.

Jesus stooped lower.

The Wise Man Built His House Upon the Rock...

hey guys! So this will be my first time posting on here. I know that I should have been posting stuff on here every week, but I honestly didn't make time to add it into my crazy schedule. Since I have not been sharing what I have been learning as the weeks have gone by I will tell you a little about it now...

...when we got back from the training weekend I was totally stoked for the summer and on fire for Jesus, but because of that weekend I got super behind in my school work and I spent what felt like an eternity catching up. Even though I was still able to do my quiet times I was not able to get on here. I was growing for several weeks but I eventually crashed because I was not giving the stress of my daily life to God...for a few weeks now I have simply been doing my quiet time out of habit, but I had not been growing nor had I been trying to, I had become complacent. I went from not having enough time to spend with God to not trying to spend time with God. I was fine where I was at and it was pretty comfortable. It wasn't until tonight when I was doing my quiet time that I realized my complacency. I realized that I was writing in my journal about wanting to be what God wants me to be, but I wasn't acting on it, I wasn't trying to be that person. I was building my house on a foundation of sand, not taking the time to dig in and find a spot where my foundation would be firm. From the realization of my complacency I have decided to tear down my comfortableness and dig deeper and deeper into God's word. I want to continue digging until I find myself completely uncomfortable because it is through this uncomfortableness that I grow and find my true strength that rests in Christ Jesus alone. Although I am not looking forward to being uncomfortable, I am looking forward to growing and finding strength in God.

cant even begin to explain

felt like I should share this.I came across this passage after a day of just being dead(spiritually) and got my world rocked again. not gonna write thoughts on it because its to mind blowing to me.

“If you love me, keep my commands. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. ¹⁹ Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.”

my chains are gone?

i often think about what gets in the way of my relationship and commitment to christ. and what is it? school, friends, family, pets....blah blah blah. are these things really commited to us? will they be trustworth at the lowest of lows? no way. are they ALWAYS there for us, never turning a cold shoulder, or never too busy for us? i dont think so! He's the only one, theres no replacing good ol' Jesus. after talking to a friend the other day, she was talking about not having a relationship with him because he wont love her for who she is and what shes done. HE LOVES US ANYWAY! Our chains are gone, we are free. free from regret, pain, hurt, SIN. Jesus died on that cross so that those things loose meaning, those things don't need to interfere. we are free. thats how awesome his love is.

God is knocking, I need to take off the chain and open the door.

I have missed a couple of weeks, and I take full responsibility. I have been busy but I also have not made time for others, through sharing my devotions on this blog, though I have been doing them, at least.
Humility was a hard week for me to process... I began to realize that a friend of mine and I were drifting apart. After the senior class retreat at my school, when she had hoped we would grow closer, instead, she rarely spoke to me. I was extremely hurt, and a bit angry with her, and I did not know how to react to the situation. Over the next few days, we sent each other some very harsh texts about each other's faults, though I did not believe I was in the wrong. When I read that Monday's devotion, it said to be willing to accept criticism. Even if I had not done anything wrong, it was important to be humble in the situation. Next, on thatTuesday, it spoke of God's disciplines that were a love for us, and would help us grow. If we do not "understand the painful realities that [we will] need to endure for [our] call," then we will not grow. If we settle for less, then we will not "experience life's greatest meaning and thrill." I would much rather have pain than regret.


On another note, the call to be a leader is to be humble in the moment of insult or disrespect, and to suffer so that the group may grow. A worldly leader is controlling and hurts the team in order to protect their own rights and ideas. By serving, freedom is spread to the whole of the group. In addition a leader must guide the rest in the right direction, even if it causes them to be hated, persecuted, and isolated. We must be willing to die so that others may ultimately live. It reminds me of the film, End of the Spear. A group of 5 young missionaries to the natives of Ecuador are met at first with ambivilence, as they share the gospel. However, not much time later, they are killed brutally by the natives, but through this tragedy, their wives and children reach out to the villagers to spread the love of christ, and are recieved. Five men died to save a whole village, but in the eyes of God, he gained many children in heaven that day. It is a horrible story to watch, but it shows exactly how we should live, with our own risk as a daily possibility.


With the week devoted to sacrifice, I learned a few more things about my own struggles, and had been also experiencing the incredible feeling of service, after reaching out to the homeless and cleaning up an elementary school. With so much to do, however, I had also felt as if I had no time at all, and was exceedingly overwhelmed. I interpreted this week as, having not only to sacrifice some of the things i personally wanted to do, but sacrifice the control over how I accomplished my tasks; that not myself, but God, would provide the means for me to do what I needed to do. Not only was this a challenge, but soon people began praising me for my "good works", and I had to avoid taking the glory for my actions. That Wednesday's devotion said to be centered on others and laugh at your own mistakes. With the personality of charisma that you may develop, people will praise you and call you to lead them, but you must leave the "fanfare" and come back when you will not be the center of focus. Lastly, when serving, I must never believe that anyone or anything is below me, because no matter how bad, Christ suffered more. Like we talked about on retreat, I must always keep my eyes on him.


The week, focusing on Loyalty and Commitment was extrememly difficult. Not only did I get caught up in myself, but I had to define some boundaries with how much self pity I would exersize for a past event that had hurt me badly and defined my person. I am now going through both some extreme changes and an identity crisis. I visited my best friend who lives over 1000 miles away, and I had a moment to escape from the pain, and from life. Or so I thought. I am now at a point where I find myself wishing I could relive the last week over and over. I am not committed to God, only to myself, and my own selfish desires. Monday's devotion said that commitment is expressed not through words, but through actions. I need to break free from this vicious cycle of cleaning up my life, only to dirty it once again. I need stability in myself and God, not looking for it in people or things. Tuesday really hit me because it said that my real identity is found in christ. I have been struggling with who I am.


Passion is a difficult topic, because I do not know the real definition in this case. Is it detication to God? A zeal for life? The daily scripture of monday was about believers and their imperfections, but our move toward God and heaven by leaving our past behind. God transforms us. It was hard to think about what my deepest meaning and longing was. My passions are always changing because I don't know where to start looking. I like some things, but soon I lose interest; so what am I really meant for? One move toward this however, is step toward fearlessness, as talked about on Tuesday. A complete trust in God's will for my life, even if I don't know what it is yet. I need to trust him when I manage my life, physically, mentally, and socially, and to accept my flaws on the outside in order to do things for Him, without insecurity. I have noticed that I often use others for attention, confirmation that I am talented, beautiful, and unique. However, when you hear something too often, you stop believing it. I cannot always depend on this, especially when for it to work, I begin to need a "stronger dose". Instead, I should push through the pain of self hatred and toward my real purpose in Christ.


I not only WANT, but NEED to have a purpose. Without it, life can become unbearable.


When I take charge of the hurt and get up out of this mindset, I can work toward living for God, rather than myself, and only behaving in a way to benefit myself and others.

Words of Wisdom

Tonight I was chatting it up with Brother [Chris] Brown on the phone and he said something so amazing and profound that I have to share it with all of you!

We were talking about how God has been so faithful to convict us and change us- all evident in the actions God has called us to already and the stories we've all shared in our blogs. From all that, Chris made an excellent observation. He said something to the effect of:

Dude, Its so sick how present God has been and how He's already convicting us! Think about it, we are at home, in our comfort zone, with everything and He is so faithful to answer... but this summer we'll be out of our comfort zone constantly and we'll barely have anything to call our own- Think about how much more God will move in us then!

HONESTLY, IT BLEW MIND!
This was so encouraging and I had to share that with everybody... This summer is going to be sick

To Chris: so... uh... sorry I didn't give you a warning that I'd post this... Love you, man! ahahaha

Passionate............for what??

1 Corinthians 13:1

I believe that this verse as well as the message we are being told here is completly true. People dont do something they dont like unless of corse they are forced into it. Or you could do the same thing, everyday, routinly and not even remember what you did. That usually happens with me. I go though the motions and not really pay attention to what im doing unless its important to me. Nothing I choose to do means anything until the day I do it out of Love especially for Christ. For this houstboats trip we are all about to encounter and experience we need to do this out of Love for God if we arnt already there. Again this isnt about us, its not even about them, its about serving God and loving Him. I also think this could be about the perception we view life as. It could be a dull boring not so fun life with no meaning to it, or we could look at it as a wonderful gift God has given us and choose to spend our lives serving Him out of Love. No matter what you do, do it out of Love whether its washing the dishes, cutting the grass, or praying. If we just chose to look through the lenses of Christ we could see a lot more clearly with both eyes instead of one blurry one.